The Devil went down to Uijeongbu
by The people's Sgt
Summary: Satan pays Father Mulcahy a visit after the events in the episode "Quo Vadis Captain Chandler".  Not one of my usual sentimental stories.


**The Devil went down to Uijeongbu.**

**A/N: This story takes place immediately after "Quo Vadis Captain Chandler". All Characters except for the evil one are the property of 20****th**** Century Fox.**

Father Mulcahy watched the bus carrying Captain Chandler the man who thought he was the Messiah drive out of the compound. He turned and started walking toward the mess tent.

At that moment the camp dog and what seemed like every dog near the 4077th started barking.

"Why that is interesting". Father Mulcahy said to himself. He kept walking toward the mess tent and was about to walk in when the dogs stopped barking.

"That's strange all the dogs stopped barking at the same time." The priest said to himself at loud. Father Mulcahy was now holding the door to the mess tent when a jeep horn blew.

The priest turned and saw a jeep parked behind him. He didn't remember hearing its engine. The priest noted that the jeep looked brand new. It didn't have a speck of dust on it, something Father Mulcahy had never seen on any vehicle during his time in Korea. Through the clear windshield the priest saw two men in the jeep, a driver and a passenger.

"Peace be onto you priest". The passenger said as he climbed out of the jeep. When he saw the passenger Father Mulcahy froze in fear.

The man wore starched fatigues and highly polished boots. Around his waist was a pistol belt carrying an equally highly polished leather holster, combat knife and ammunition pouches. On his collar were the insignia of a full bird colonel. The sliver eagles gleamed in the sun. On his head was a freshly painted helmet with a colonel insignia on it. His eyes were hidden behind a pair of sunglasses.

The sunglasses the colonel wore pure black. The Father good see nothing reflected in them. Not even his own reflection.

What frightened Father Mulcahy was the fact that the man was a pale as a corpse but his lips were blood red. The odor of burning wood and sulfur hung in the air.

Father Mulcahy let go of the door and faced the Devil himself.

"Peace be onto you John Francis Mulcahy. Don't you know how to greet a superior officer?"

"Sorry Colonel do I know you?" the Father asked the man even though he knew who he was speaking to. A knot formed in his stomach and he began to sweat.

The Devil dressed as a colonel walked up to Father Mulcahy. His hands were on his hips. He slowly looked the priest over from head to toe.

"You know who I am priest. You believe the first hack who says he is the son of God but when your immortal enemy is standing before you show doubt. You should be fired by your precious high priest in Rome." The Devil said with a sneer on his face.

"Get thee behind me Satan". Father Mulcahy managed to say.

"I'm sorry but that little line won't work for you priest. No legion of angels is coming to save you. I was in the area and decided to pay my respects to the local clergyman. Can we get out of the middle of the road and talk?"

"Why are you here? Is it about Capt. Chandler? Does he frighten you?" The chaplain asked regaining some confidence. "If you are him be gone from here in the name of the lord."

The Devil's face became serious. "This isn't one of your exorcisms Lieutenant Mulcahy. I could strangle you with your own rosary if I chose to or maybe I shove your sister the nun down a flight of stairs and break her pretty neck. Let me say what I have to say and I'll be on my way. Even he had to listen to me in the wilderness."

"Very well I'll listen to your message but you will deal only with me. We can talk over by my tent." The chaplain now scanned the compound. So far no one seemed to be paying attention to the two men talking.

"No priest we'll talk here. I'll be brief. For me being here is like visiting the zoo. To me you humans are nothing more than shaved down talking monkeys and your church is nothing more than a pet trick. It is something to impress your master for more bananas."

"Now to get back to the subject at hand priest. Reports of messiahs always interest me. So I came here to check out Captain Chandler. It was a false alarm of course. Chandler is just a man who has flown too many combat missions and went to church too much. I even brought an expert on the subject to verify this."

The Devil gestured to his driver who climbed out the jeep. The driver wore the insignia of a Major. He had a tanned face and looked either Greek or Italian.

"May I introduce you to the former prefect of Judea Pontius Pilate?"

The Major nodded to the chaplain. "Greetings priest" he said in Latin.

"Forgive them Father for they know not what they do." The devil recited the bible verse and then chuckled. "Well as you can see Pilate was not forgiven and he is with me now. He got screwed over by God and the priests like you."

"I will pray for your soul to be free from Satan. God did forgive you that day." Father Mulcahy told the man who once convicted a Jewish carpenter from Galilee guilty of treason.

"Save your prayers Mulcahy. I never lost a night of sleep for having him crucified when I was Prefect. He was just another Jew I had executed." Pilate said once again in Latin.

"Really priest how could believe Chandler so easily. He called himself Jesus Christ not Joshua or the correct Yeshua. He could have at least quoted some Isaiah."

"Is that all you have to say Satan? Criticize me for having the faith to believe that maybe my savior might come here. I didn't believe Captain Chandler was Christ. What I believed was in the possibility of that." The MASH chaplain said with vigor. "Be gone from here Satan in the name of the lord!"

The Devil folded his arms and glared at Father Mulcahy with his black sunglasses. "Very well priest I'll leave you to sorry congregation." Satan then climbed back into his jeep.

At that moment Colonel Potter came walking up with Radar following behind him.

"Excuse me Colonel is there a problem here. Usually visiting officers introduce themselves to me". Colonel Potter said with a hint of anger.

"Colonel there's no problem here. Please leave this to me." The fear returned to Father Mulcahy's voice.

"I apologize for the breach of protocol Colonel but you really should mind your business this time. I am giving your weak priest here some corrective criticism." The Devil replied. Colonel Potter saw his face for the first time and backed up. Radar cringed in the background. "Say hello to your whore head nurse for me." Satan said with a sneer.

"I bid you farewell John Mulcahy but remember this: I'm always close by. Oh by the way sorry about Henry Blake. He really didn't suffer when his plane was shot down. The thirty millimeter cannon fire from the North Korean MIG killed him instantly."

The jeep started up and Father Mulcahy, Col. Potter and Radar jumped out of the way. The Jeep drove out of the compound in a cloud of dust.

"Was that who I think it was?" Col. Potter said.

"Yes it was Colonel. I think it is best if you not mention to anyone else in the camp." Father Mulcahy said.

An hour later choppers arrived carrying more wounded.


End file.
